Addie and I watched Aladdin two times that evening. We had just finished our very own Arabian Night, complete with Princess Jasmine costumes, a make-shift magic carpet and my bedside version of A Whole New World. I watched her face light up when Princess Jasmine and Aladdin fell in love and flew away into Fairytale bliss.

“Okay princess, it’s time to get some beauty sleep”, I told the sweet little five year old as she climbed into her pink bunk bed.

“Miss Katie, can I ask you a question?”, her starry eyes became a little more serious. “Well, you know I am a princess, right? And…well, I’m in love with Aladdin. He was at my birthday party and I know he loves me too…”

“You are a princess, Addie. And yes, you do have your very own Aladdin that loves you very much”, I assured her, not sure where this was going.

Rain drop sized tears began pouring out of her big brown eyes, “But when am I going to get to meet MY Aladdin? I love him so much and I don’t even know when I will see him again… And what if he never find me? He is at Disney World and I’m all the way out here!”

In this precious moment, I was reminded that in the heart of every little girl is the desire for a Fairytale romance. Of course, The Fairytale: 2012 edition doesn’t involve a genie with a magic lamp, quirky little monkeys and flying off into the sunset. It’s something much more evolved. My response to the little princess’s question surprised me…

“I know how you feel Addie, but remember Princess Jasmine is much older than you. And sure she has found Aladdin NOW, but guess what she was doing before she met him?”

Addie gazed up at me in anticipation.

“She was becoming a princess all by herself! She was making her own fairytale.”

When it comes to romance, society gives us two versions: The Damsel in Distress version and the I Am Women Here Me Roar version. In the Damsel in Distress version we are told time and time again by Disney movies, pop culture and even previous generations that in order for women to make it in this world they better find their Prince and do what ever they can to be swept off their feet. Although I love the idea of a sexy, modern day Romeo rescuing me from the drama and pain of everyday life, that’s not how it works.

This version convinces us that we are broken and in order to fix us we have to find someone, “out there” to make us special, beautiful and complete.

It leads us to feeling helpless– we are helpless victims in a cruel world and since Prince Charming never came along we are doomed to a life outside the castle walls, forever wishing we could walk in.

 

The second version flirts with the other extreme. The I Am Women Hear Me Roar version was formed after years of female suppression, inequality and abuse. For years, women in our society were viewed as the weaker sex; to many we were nothing more than baby makers and home keepers with little else to offer. The feminist movement has fought this long held belief and as a result female equality in the workplace has improved and women in America have more choices and opportunities than ever. I am grateful for this movement and the women that suffered in order to give me the freedom and equality I have today.

However, in the midst of the feminist movement, many women have come to believe that the desire for the Fairytale is old-fashioned, obsolete and naive. Many women have become convinced that they don’t need romance… actually, they don’t WANT romance, they can do it themselves and all that romance stuff should be left to Snow White and her 7 dwarfs.

Although I do believe women can do whatever they want, I’m not fully convinced that this is ACTUALLY what we want. If we were really over the immaturity of the Fairytale, would we have cheered when Ross and Rachel ended up together on the series finale of Friends? Would we be captivated by romantic novels like Shades of Grey and Twilight? And would we really be so MAD at men if we didn’t secretly want more from them? These are just a few of the dozens of examples that point to the overwhelming evidence that somewhere beneath the hurt, denial and disillusionment, in the soul of every women is a desire to be romanced.

Before I go on, let me knowledge that I know romantic relationships do not look the same for everyone and I completely respect every individuals’ choice to express romance and love in the way that works for them; if this theory doesn’t resonate with you, that’s ok. Take what you like and leave the rest.

I’m writing this for the girls like me– the ones that have wondered when someone was going to save them from themselves, the ones that have sat by the phone hoping he would call and obsessed when he didn’t, the ones who have tried so hard and wondered why they ended up either the heart breaker or the heartbroken. It’s for every soul that has longed to connect with another soul and felt so damn stupid for just wanting to love and be loved.

If you reread that last line, I think you will find that there are a lot of “girls like me” out there. Regardless of outside circumstances and conditions, we all want to be loved, feel like the center of someones world and be a part of something bigger than us.

Is a fairytale anything more than that?

When we revisit the classic Fairytales… Snow White, Cinderella, The Little Mermaid etc. Sure, there is the women being swept away by the man. But there is a heck of a lot more to it then that! In The Little Mermaid, Ariel was pursuing her dreams and relocating, Snow White was leaving a toxic environment and helping 7 bachelor’s and Cinderella was singing about dreams coming true. These are not weak women! They are women who were living their lives, pursuing their dreams and still believing their prince would arrive. The Modern Day Fairytale is no different.

Despite what society says about romantic relationships, I am unapologetic about my desire to be pursued, romanced and treated like a queen. I am also a women of the 21st century and boldly accept that my future is mine to create.  When we are happy, living life and following our hearts we inevitably attract the romance our hearts yearn for.

The Modern Day Fairytale is not about twiddling our thumbs, waiting for romance to find us, it’s also not about saying “Screw this! I don’t need that anyway.” It’s about starting exactly where you are, accepting that YOU complete you and creating your very own happily ever after, regardless of who is or isn’t sleeping next to you.

This month, I am going to be writing about ways we can start living our very own fairytales. I will be sharing tips I have learned from experts and my own experiences. Later this month, I’ll be chatting with Christine Hassler, about dating, love and everything in between.  Whether you are dating, single, or married, these post will help you fall in love… maybe with someone else, but most importantly with you.

Back to my story: Later that night, Addie went to sleep with a new found hope that someday, her prince would come… but in the meantime, she had an adventure of her very own to embrace with all of her heart. This doesn’t change just because we grow up– the castle is still there for our taking, the fairytale is ours to write and happily ever after is much closer than we ever believed.

 

Love,

Katie Hoffman

 

PS: Have questions about dating, love, sex and romance that you would like Christine Hassler to answer later this month? Send an email to info@iamkatiehoffman.com or send me a message on my FB page (be sure to “like” it while you are there.) If you like this post, be sure to share it with your friends and show some tweet love under the hatch tag #summerlovin